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Old but interesting

Who was Tested, Who Was Bested
Our sometimes catty summaries for each Best Engines nominee, with a personal touch
Audi 1.8L turbocharged DOHC I-4
170 hp, 166 lb.-ft. (A4)
+ Love that little turbo puff.
- Too much hp manipulation among models.
= Eminem: Small. Big bark.
Audi 2.7L Twin-turbo DOHC V-6
250 hp, 258 lb.-ft. (allroad)
+ Storming torque, techno-weenie appeal.
- Startlingly poor fuel economy.
= Bette Midler: Belts it out with the best of ’em.
225 hp, 214 lb.-ft. (530i)
+ No-excuses power increase.
- Hey, these things aren’t gettin’ any cheaper.
= Muhammed Ali: Floats like a butterfly, and you know the rest.
DaimlerChrysler Mercedes 2.6L SOHC V-6
168 hp, 177 lb.-ft. (C240)
+ Can hook it up to a 6-speed manual.
- A 2.6L engine should mean C260 on the badge.
= David Spade: Trying just a little too hard.
DaimlerChrysler Mercedes 3.2L SOHC V-6
215 hp, 221 lb.-ft. (C320)
+ More than meets the eye. Way more.
- The throttle-action god wants a word with you, Mercedes.
= Mark McGuire: Big hitter, snappy glove.
Ford 2L DOHC I-4
130 hp, 135 lb.-ft. (Focus)
+ Agreeable enough, good NVH.
- Gotta have a manual to actually enjoy it.
= Gloria Estefan: Petite and punchy.
Ford/Lincoln 3.9L DOHC V-8
252 hp, 267 lb.-ft. (Lincoln LS)
+ Pretty cheap for a V-8 luxo-boat.
- Outgunned by a lot of good sixes.
= Barry White: Smooth but too slow.
Ford 5.4L SOHC V-8/5.4L supercharged
260 hp, 350 lb.-ft. Ford F-150 Harley Davidson
+ Hands out a butt-whippin’, truck style.
- Two valves is looking like two too few.
= Arnold Schwarzenegger: Powertrain of choice for traffic Terminators.
General Motors 2.2L DOHC I-4
135 hp, 142 lb.-ft. (Saturn LS200)
+ Quite smooth, sadly unnoticed.
- Specific output isn’t competitive.
= Susan Sarandon: Nice, but a little off- base.
General Motors 3L DOHC V-6
182 hp, 190 lb.-ft. (Saturn LS300)
+ Good mill for the money.
- Usually snoozing when the pedal is pressed.
= Dennis Miller: Works too hard at being laid-back.
General Motors 3.5L DOHC V-6
215 hp, 230 lb.-ft. (Intrigue)
+ Brawnier than import V-6s.
- Underachieving output, tech spec.
= Atlanta Braves: All the pieces, yet can’t win the big one.
General Motors 5.7L LS6 OHV V-8
385 hp, 385 lb.-ft. (Corvette Z06)
+ Omigod acceleration.
- Pushing this design’s retirement date.
= Tim (the tool man) Allen: No need to tweak this for more power.
General Motors 6.6L Duramax turbodiesel V-8
300 hp, 520 lb.-ft. (GMC Sierra HD)
+ Glorious refinement, hideous torque.
- Louder than the average bear.
= Mr. T: I pity the fool who don’t like diesel!
Honda 1.8L DOHC VTEC I-4
127 hp, 114 lb.-ft. (Civic EX)
+ Four-cylinder nirvana.
- Nondescript to a fault.
= Bill Gates: Unassuming but successful.
Honda/Acura 1.8L VTEC DOHC I-4
195 hp, 130 lb.-ft.(Integra Type R)
+ Rev-to-the-moon circus act.
- One-hundred-thirty lb.-ft? In America?
= Howard Stern: Entertaining but too much noise.
Honda 2L VTEC DOHC I-4 (S2000)
240 hp, 153 lb.-ft. (S2000)
+ Normal-aspiration benchmark.
- Earmuffs should be standard equipment.
= Bruce Lee: Fists of Fury.
Honda/Acura 3.2L VTEC DOHC V-6
260 hp, 232 lb.-ft. (CL Type S)
+ Satisfying personal cruise missile.
- "Numbers" don’t jibe with the "feel."
= Steven Seagal: Stretching to be some- thing it isn’t.
Honda/Acura 3.5L DOHC VTEC V-6
240 hp, 245 lb.-ft. (MDX)
+ New level of SUV engine refinement.
- We can’t totally forget it’s a minivan engine.
= Marlon Brando: Deserves respect without necessarily earning it.
Nissan 3L DOHC I-6
227 hp, 217 lb.-ft. (Maxima Anniv. Ed.)
+ World’s best throttle response.
- Three-foot-long gearshift lever.
= Conan the B

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they can't be too credible if they are bashing eminem.
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