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Discussion Starter #1
Well guys it took me a while to decide wether or not to post this up here. but i consider this forum as a cyber family to me and instead of going and spreading it on face book or MSN messenger, i would rather speak with a majority of intelligent people about my every day dilemas and joys.

Well heres the short of a LONG story. 6yrs ago i met this girl.. first 3 years was heaven then some shit happened...i got really hurt and that was when i lost it..just started a whole new life, habit, lifestyle. that some was good and more was bad. about 2yrs later we started seeing eachother again..i wasnt ready for a relationship, and i made that clear.. but i didnt want to stop being friends with her. the problem was, we were friends with benefits..NO PROBLEM..well thats what i thought.. in her mind marriage was on the brain since 2yrs back. not ready and standing my ground thats where we stayed.

I do love this girl, i care about her ALOT! sometimes i feel WAY more then i should. But i do and i cant deny it. I dont want to marry her because i just dont feel that we have resolved our problems we just keep pushing them aside and never really getting down to the issue at hand. Well while im enjoying my new house, Sweet lexus and a best friend who was always by my side ( my homie Urban ) life couldnt get any better.

So she came back into my life and the Friends with benefits came into effect again.. we spent more " TIME " together. and then one day she discovered a relationship i was having with a certain someone and didnt like it. she called her and things just blew up from there. she said she will never talk to me again. and after being screamed at every degrating word you could imagine she jumped in the car and that was it.

4 days later she comes back..while enjoying the time being alone and letting my mind relax..she shows up with some news....

" i missed my rag " :suspiciou :suspiciou :suspiciou

i took a little while to set in, and then i got pissed.. i was breaking shit in my house..and screaming at the top of my lungs! i settle down and got to the investigation.

as i was very carefull and pulled out when i didnt have a moby suit on. But she went on the pill..and thats where i got stupid..always asking if she took it.. almost 4 days went by and she was out..and that is where i fucked up.

SOOOOO she is now almost 5 months. ive gotten over being pissed cause maybe this was needed in my life. im doing pretty good for myself and maybe this is what i need to push me to get more money and give me and my child a better life.

I do hope things can work out between her and I, but im not going to be a typical man in a realtionship and have her degrade me and stereo-type me as a typical guy, im gonna be there for my child and raise them as i was raised.

Its a scary feeling because i couldnt seem to figure out how many guns i could hold the first day a boy comes to my door for my daughter. and what age should i get the 200 pound Rotty to follow her to school?

For some of you that dont know.. i was still living at home a little under 3 years ago. My step father wanted me out so off i went to my bavhelors apartment, $200 in the bank, no job, no car, just a red motorcycle with no insurance. my homie ( dog ) and the key to my $600 a month place.

So in three years a lot of stuff has changed and the pressure of this life has become 10 times the weight my chest could normally hold.

I wont change myself, i will still be who i am but with a little follower. I will watch what i do and say knowing this, but i will be sure that my child will be ready for this world.. learn from young the reality of this life.

I am really worried, but im sure i will be okay.

Thanks again for hearing my rants and stories..

so wish me luck.....

:cool:
 
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whoa... dude...

talk about a story...
not sure what to say but best of luck..

I think having a kid would ultimately change your perception in life... how you view things, how you take care of yourself (for the sake of your kid)... you're right, this might be something that'll push forward in life.

You never know, in hindsight after everything settles... this might be a turning point in life for the better...

all the best!

~Terrence
 

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crown thats a serious story,I feel for you,hope it all works out.Remember youre child is forever,but the girl may not be normally a child will tear you apart not bring you together,but good luck mate
 

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Discussion Starter #4
Yea man, now looking back on that post that was a long fuckin story! sorry guys...thanks for reading it tykes..

well it will be a life changing experience, but to be honest, im still learning everyday and i dont know it all...so i have to be the one learning for the both of us, so i will make mistakes and he/she will see it.

All i can do is the best i can.... this is my child and i WILL not live up to expectations of this world. ive been thinking about this day since i was 14. i kept saying " my childs life will be different then mine " a typical comment.. but i had a pretty fucked up life..so i will do my best to explain it all to them..and steer them to have a better one.

Thats all i can do.. she knows the sex..but im debating for her to tell me, cuz not to be sexist, but i want a boy...cause i need to pass on soo much and i need him to look after his mom and sister.

But as it stands my family is known to have boys first... i guess we will see...

btw, if its a girl i will name her Lexus or lexi and a boy Turbo or boost..LOL!!
 

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I didn't get thru all of that story yet...

but quick comment... make sure the baby is yours!
 

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Dood, believe it or I've read through everyone of your rants in my short existence here.

Good luck, you know we'll lend a ear here whenever. Don't forget to sometimes stop and take a breath, take a step back and get a wider prespective, and try to keep this in mind: Shit happens to every man, but the measure of a man is how he takes care of his shit.

Godspeed, bud.
 

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Crown... just read thru your post. Seems like you keep ending up in tough situations.

I'm not sure if you should look forward to a child as a positive change in your life. The child while giving you a sense of pride and love will also be a stress on you and your relationship. If anything... you should be changing your life ahead of time to create a positive environment for the child when it is born.

Is this girl trustworthy (you mentioned past drama)??? If not... make sure the baby is yours. Apparently... even if the child is not yours... if you take care of it for a while you are still responsible for providing child support.

Also... are you and this girl going to be "together"? If not... then you're going to be responsible for child support payments right? Are you going to take custody? Can you even see yourself caring for a child right now? Can you see your every thought being about the child... and not about the cars, jewelry, money, etc.? Can you see yourself not getting pissed off when your child drops an ice cream cone in your precious Lexi?

This is a huge deal Crown! I hope you prepare well for it.
 

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Discussion Starter #8
First off, let me just say that i really appreciate all of you pitching in with words of advice and support.and thank you very much for reading my LONG rants..thats why i love this place.....i really respect you guys.

Now i have been raised in a big family, so taking care of a baby isnt new to me, being my baby is the new part.

The girl, i believe is trustworthy to a degree. i dont really worry about trying to do anything to fuck me, she did it once almost 4 years back and realized that she attracts dumb punk bitch muther fuckers that watch too much BET, and listen to too much Dipset.

As for the baby im almost positive its mine, she has been staying with me for a very long time so i always know where she is. ( not to be controlling, she is either at my house or her moms and she tells me where she is going. )

Though we are good one day and i get frustrated the next with us. i know that we need to work at this ALOT MORE! but...this is NOT about us.. we had our time to work things out..now its about the kid. My Mom and step dad just got a divorce after 21 years of marriage,3 kids and a multi million dollar empire..so not to compare myself but if those veterans cant do it..who the fuck are we...we are no different from where they are. so i just face reality.

Now i work for this kid to have a bright positive future, and i wont change myself.. i still WILL have the Jewlery and cars and clothes.. now it will just be two, and smaller!

I spend alot of money on dumb shit, now i am forced to be smarter.. put money in a bank for the kid, and have he/she like FLLLYYY!!!

I am excited on one end, but scared on the other.. can i really be a better father then my dad and step dad? Well i damn sure will be, im not gonna be a fucking dead beat like them..im not just gonna up and dip after i get tired of it all.

The girl will be moving in with me, and if we dont make i will probably invest in a condo and move there, while she live in the house, i want the child to enjoy a nice place..and i do want her to live a good life too. besides she did give me my first born.

Childsupport and alll that shit i wont pay, and the day she takes me to court im taking the child. She will never go with out anything.. my mom raised me better then that.

As for my Lexi, i will BOOOOOOX my child if he drops icecream on her! or i just wont let the child eat in the car! lol! BTW im looking to buy on of the older style RX300. so im selling the Jimmy and the Mazda Protege. cause i REFUSE to buy a minivan.

Jonnysks, You are right man, i do have a short fuse sometimes... and i will have to step back for that breath.. thanks again for the advice.
 

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Discussion Starter #9
Damn i type alot!

BTW EVERONE!!!

BIGG NEWS!!

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ITS A FUCKING BOY!!!!
YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!




Im taking Ideas for names!
 
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hahahahahha congrats! Indeed a lil prince. Your brain must be red lining. Sleep on it and start getting the details of your game plan together in a few days, bud. Good luck.
 

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Crown, you'll do all the right things don't worry. Life is all about choices and balance, remember to always set aside a little time for yourself,...and both of you will be OK.
 

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Discussion Starter #12
Thank you clubfoot.... i this new life will all be about Balance. If that is the key you used, im sure ill be BETTER then okay.. lol!

well now im thinking, who can make Custom lexus car seats? cause baby boy and I will be coming out to all the meets and shows!
 

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Ok time for me to put my two cents into this situation as I was in your shoes 5 years ago. When I met my sons my it was strickly a booty call thing and I had everything going for me. Had a great Job had a bike, cars, trucks, vacation all the time hell I went out and bought seadoo and a boat for the hell of it as I couldnt think of anything else better to spend my money on. I also owned a 2 bedroom penthouse condo right at scarbtowncentre the ones that face the 401.. So as you can tell life was great.

I met her and we hit it off about 4 months into the relationship we started arguing alot and at about 6 month mark i woke up one morning rolled over looked at her and said hey im not happy and dont want to be with you and we shoudl go our seaporate ways.. she rolled over looked at me and said hey im pregnant. My first reaction was not like yours to freak out more of Great I can create life just wish it was with someone else..

So we tlaked about it and decided to keep it and I told her that I will take care of it as it is my child and just like you told her to move in with me and her and her daughter moved in with me. I converted my den into another room and I stayed in the master bedroom and her and her daughter stayed in the other room and the den..

things was good until she started to bother me about raising a kid in a condo is not a good idea and i should sell it and get a house. After three months of dealing with that i caved and bought a nice house in malton by wildwater kingdom. Still told her that I am not going to be with her but I want to be there for the baby.

So we moved there and she stayed up stairs and I stayed downstairs and before long my son was born. Nothing anyone can tell you will prepare you for the first time you hold that kid in your hands.. Thats when reality will hit you the most as now you have true responsibility and life isnt going to be the same anymore.. Oh yeah if you get a choice and the doctor say or you to look at the baby crowning and comming out. DO NOT LOOK it will give you nightmares and traumatize you..

So after i took my son home we tried again to make the relationship work and it just would not work. I love my son and will give my life for him without a thought but if you and the girl are arguing all the time its better to tell her that you want to see your son when ever you want to but dont be under the same roof as it will destroy you..

Before i got my son I used to go there after work everyday and spend a coupel hours with him then go back to my place while she lived in the house i bought.. Afterall my son has a roof over his head and food in his stomach and I will never say his mom is a bad mom. But as for dating her thats a different story..

Long story short my sons mom has gotten married and popeed out another kid she lives in montreal. I have my son and he goes to see her anytime he likes and life is good. I never paid childsupport as she never had a reason to as i made sure that my son always got diapers and milk and groveries and clothes so she had no reason. I am one of the few that got it good. Not all guys get what I got and just make sure you save all your receipts and everything like that..

By the way congrats and get that temper under control as yes that kid will not only drop icecream in the car but they will soak right through the diaper. and Cheeze are hell to get out of the seat
 

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Discussion Starter #15 (Edited)
WOW!

Man i cannot tell you how much i appreciate your input there. Ive always said its good to hear everyones advice, but better to pay closer attention to someone that has been there.

Btw, when she said she was pregnant i got mad only because i knew we were done and this was juss going to be a prolonged break up.

I am more the excited for my son, this means EVERYTHING to me! my only issue is with her.

Damn bro you really had it all going for you! here is another lesson to WRAPP it UP!

I want to be confident about these next steps i take, and i will definatley make sure she has everything she needs and my son has everything he wants/needs. i will probably end up moving to the basement. im just pissed because i wanted to start life a different way, get someone that im in love with and knows what im feeling and dealing with. that way she could have been a stronger support for us. Im not sayin that this girl doesnt love or care for me... i just think she is NOT ready for life in general..she will break under anymore pressure. Im still dealing with work, my mom and step dads divorce ( which i am in the middle of ) my real dad trying to get back into my life..and now this.... Im strong enough to deal with it.. but when she gets stressed she puts more of it on me.. i dont need it from all ways.

I would LOVE for her to leave my son with me! i come from a really big family..so raising him by myself will be a GREAT challenge, but at least i would be happy.

I spend alot of time fighting her and her family about marriage..i told them that we are not ready for this..and i dont want to get trapped. But me and her always fight about it, because she says that she wants to know whats happening with her if we are not together.. I get so fuckin pissed because she is not seeing the big picture at hand! WE ARE HAVING A FUCKING BABY!! ITS TIME WE FOCUS ON THE BABY INSTEAD OF US!!! but she wont get that through her head..she just gets mad and storms upstairs.. and everytime she does that the thought of me trying to work it out with her is out of the my head.

There is NO FUCKIN way im watching my son pop out of her..im sorry i just wont.. im not down for that..call me pussy, whatever, im NOT WATCHING THAT!!

I think after all these years of looking for that love, to give me that feeling of always being high has come. Daughter are infamous for being first in my family ( of seven ) ...so i have beat the odds..

I have the house now..and i know if she cant take it she will just run back home to mommy.. i dont have that option and that is why im soo much more serious about this situation. i have to make, there is no second chances.

so with or with out her i will do. I will take in all your words of wisdom. and i appreciate anymore.

thanks again guys..

and thank you very much for your Two cents AzNdread
 

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Hey anytime just be prepared and especially since you have her parents on your case for marriage to thats never a good thing.. Soon her friends are gonna be on your case as well then your gonna need time for yourself to figure out what is right for you and your kid.. Trust me never ever get married jsut cause your having a kid as that will be one of the biggest mistakes, and my bro is experiencing it right now in his case my family never liked his baby mom and we had no problem telling her but her family kept forcing him to marry her and one day he got up and went to city hall and got married to her. My family didnt talk to him for 2 weeeks and he trully felt alone for the first time in his life..

After the two weeks of dissapointment we got over it and long story short they lasted 6 months and now they going through a bad divorce as she wants half of everything he has when she did not even put two cents in the house nor does she believe that women should work while they are pregnant and even after that she choose not to work..

I think my bro is hitting the point where he is gonna pull out a chain saw and say if she wants half of everything and pretty much saw everything in two and give to her.. I know i would but thats just me.

Just love your son and make sure that he gets your lastname and dont get married if you trully dont love her or having any doubts at all.
 
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